Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Safer Sex? | GO Mag

Of late, i have been witnessing most different wellness resources and society frontrunners talk about exactly how lesbians have no need for condoms after all within their intercourse procedures. And this idea really perplexes me personally! Everytime we read it someplace, I stop and think

huh? In which did these individuals obtain better intercourse information from?

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It is a part of a bigger social issue in that lesbian, queer and looking for bi women can be typically left out inside the discussion about intimate health and STIs. It’s as though people think


just originate from penises and therefore lesbian, queer and bisexual females you should not ever



Information flash:
STIs may be passed on in many different methods
. Through epidermis to skin contact. From rectal intercourse. From oral sex. From discussing sex toys. Literally almost any sex that you’re having, it really is most likely that STIs might end up being handed down, from one person to another. You’ll want to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual women occasionally have penises. Or sometimes we use dildos during intercourse. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier approach to reduce the chances of STIs becoming passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, you need to remember that it isn’t really the end of worldwide in the event that you taste good for an STI. Lifetime as well as your love life aren’t more than. Whenever we are able to have access to this kind of safer sex information, then we are able to all develop and learn together—and have significantly more enjoyable intercourse!

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We’ve currently spoken of
different barrier practices
that lesbian, queer and bisexual females can use when making love with one another. And certainly, condoms are included in those solutions. You need condoms as a barrier when having a penis in vagina or when having
anal intercourse
, if you are using an adult toy or dildo, and you will in addition cut a condom along the center (with scissors) if you need a dental dam for analingus or oral gender. When we tell women who sleep along with other women that they cannot


condoms to apply much safer sex, our company is perpetuating this misconception our intercourse is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs being shared.

Countless of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual friends occasionally laugh regarding how they don’t really practice less dangerous intercourse. I listen to queer ladies make jokes about dental dams and just how they never have once made use of them. All this tends to make myself wonder just who within our community carry out in fact exercise less dangerous sex? If in case the audience isn’t using barrier strategies, are we after that having detailed conversations about the sexual wellness before we f*ck? Are we continuously prioritizing getting tried between our very own associates? And not a pap smear (
because that does not include all of it
), but like acquiring an entire work-up?

Really don’t say some of this to get judgmental, whatsoever. I also been that lady to have a good laugh about dental dams. I have in addition got one-night stands in which i did not focus on me or my lover’s sexual health. But i’d like us to accomplish much better. I would like you to be able to have actual, nuanced talks about all of our sexual health. As it does matter, girls. And that I would like to get past laughing about dental care dams and shrugging off condoms as a choice.

Usually within discussion, I get expected

well, can you imagine i wish to utilize a dental dam but she does not believe that’s sexy?

This anxiety is really widespread that I feel like countless lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are also nervous to ask their unique associates to rehearse safer gender. But without a doubt a queer lady key, obtaining oral sex through a dental dam is sexy and seems amazing. Indeed, the person it truly changes circumstances for could be the individual offering the oral. Its somewhat various of a personal experience, but the one that you can acquire made use of to! Its gorgeous for person receiving because 1. you’re both prioritizing each other’s sexual health, that’s hot AF and 2. in my sincere view, it still seems pleasurable as f*ck.

I also understand how tough it may be to carry within the discussion of STIs before you make love, particularly if you’ve never had gender with this specific person prior to. The one thing I learned within my years of messily navigating intercourse and interactions is that once I consult with someone about the types of intercourse we both want to have and as to what kind of obstacles we need to use—i’ve wayyyy better sex. Like I’m not claiming this because i am a sex technical. I am letting you know my truthful queer girl fact. Intercourse is most effective once you speak about desire plus bodies very first.

Let us break it all the way down.

Both you and this possible hookup don’t know both’s bodies but. Every individual provides unique needs and clicks and techniques, that change them the f*ck on. And while you could potentially play a guessing video game while you are having sex to figure out just what ~feels very good~ because of this brand-new person, you might rather, talk about it ahead of time. Actually it enjoyable to be able to f*ck some body the way they wish to be f*cked? Then you already know the go-to area for them, in which you need to build up to and the ways to cause them to be putty inside hand.

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When it comes to talking about just what obstacles and/or toys you intend to make use of while you’re having sex—a large amount of folks think its very not sexy and requires all of the fun from the jawhorse. But think about in case you are having sex nevertheless whole time you are anxious since you truly desired to utilize a dental dam but did not understand how to tell her that and now you are unable to have an orgasm because you’re very in your head about maybe not talking upwards for your requirements? Which is no enjoyable for anyone, trust in me. Once you get that dialogue taken care of before you begin having sex, then chances are you know already to choose the condom if you use your strap-on or whether she’s cool with fluid bonding or otherwise not. They’re vital elements of sex and then we should not disregard them.

I have homework regarding of you reading this article today. The very next time you are having a new hookup with some body, just be sure to integrate many of these discussions before you strike the bedsheets to check out what the results are. We gamble you that you’re going to involve some mind-blowing consensual less dangerous sex!

Got any gender questions? Feel free to touch base:!